When I traveled in India I was all about love, special flowers, listening to the hum of Om and Sab Kuch Milega, brothers, but not anymore.
I went back to reality. Where it's all about conflicts and thorns, the sound of war alarms replaced the whispers of Om in my mind.
And I'm so used to it, it's insane. I was born into war, live in it and had enough of it.
Now you might not agree with me, perhaps you will read it and decide it’s all bullshit, but that is my story.
It doesn't start in a place far far away and I wish there had been a princess. You see, I always wanted to be one of those pretty girls wearing dresses in rainbow colors, to attend a cocktail party and to be a real lady. But those things didn't happen. That's how it's like living in my small kingdom, Princessesbecomessoldiers.
I remember the firstbullet I fired out of the barrel, my body tensed and my heart thumped in my chest. I could hear the shell hit the ground. The blast accelerated the rhythm of my heart that for a second missed a beat. I was horrified.
That night I criedsilently in my two storey bed, for all that knowledge I have in my brain and for all the power I possess in my hands.
Now, people who live outside of this country have this miraculous ability to know for sure who the evil witch is and who the princess in danger is.
No question about borders – where Never Land begins and the dark forest ends.
But for ALL of us here it's nothing like a fairytale and it might not end with the words "They live happily ever after". It's an endless war just living in this country, it's not black and white and there is no right or wrong.
At the end of every single day we all lose.
But it's not enough; the world boycotts us diplomatically, economically & socially.
Feeling like a freak in high school, I realized I never even got the chance to be a princess.
We are the people of a war zone, not afraid of war anymore.
We are the people of a war zone, who know the sounds of explosions better than the chirping of birds.
We are the people of a war zone, who want only tobe who we are, people.
I want to travel, meet interesting people and talk about the way the colors of sunrise reflect in the deepest part of the ocean.
I want to see how artists paint a new world on canvas.
How writers create different reality on white pages.
Hear musicians playing chords of another universe.
But today they prefer to scream with ignorance and hatred in the name of love; and no longer create for creation.
So in these days when I feel rejected and isolated, when art, literature and music dies I choose nature over man, I choose to look for unique butterflies between the rose fields, and read the maps of stars in the sky that reveal tracks up the mountains.
And when I get there I sit and listen to the most wonderful music ever created; I can hear the wind gently playing on water, and the most delicate notes that only songbirds can produce.
This is what beauty looks like. This is what Love feels like.
This is my dream, and all I want is some peace of mind in a better world.
english&spiritual support: din naamani
Rachel Karhi//